I suppose I should not have been surprised. Age was taking its toll, I couldn't run as far or as fast as I used to, or lift the weights I had when I was younger and now I was flagging in the bedroom department too. Erections took longer to achieve, were harder to maintain and sometimes just didn't happen at all. It had happened slowly but relentlessly ever since I turned 50 and I could not ignore the signs, much as I tried.
I turned to Viagra and found it helped most of the time but not unambiguously. Now divorced, I did not have a regular girlfriend and while women certainly seemed to find me attractive and good company and I had no shortage of dates, I inevitably got nervous as the point in the evening approached where I had to decide whether to make a move. It all just seemed a bit hit or miss to go off to the bathroom, down a blue pill, come back to the sofa and hope that things would be going well half an hour later.
Fortunately I had been with my doctor, Chris Paterson, for over 20 years and regarded him as a friend; we enjoyed the occasional beer together and sometimes a round of golf. I made an appointment to see him.
"Hallo Pete, what can I do for you this time?" he asked jovially as I entered his room.
"Hi Chris, good to see you again. As you know I try to take up as little of your time as possible professionally, but I have a bit of a delicate issue."
"OK," replied Chris, "but you know me well enough and as a doctor I get to see and hear about all sorts of delicate issues. Tell me what's on your mind."
"Well, it's a problem in the erection department; the fact is I am having trouble achieving them at all," I replied diffidently.
Chris looked me straight in the eye. "You know Pete, that's not at all unusual in men your age and often in guys younger than you. How long has this been going on?"
"I suppose the decline set in two or three years ago; it hasn't been fast but it has been steady and all one way. To begin with I might just lose it part way through sex, then I was having trouble getting properly hard in the first place and sometimes it just would not happen at all despite some enthusiastic attention from a willing lady."
"OK, let's run through some basics like diet, exercise, blood pressure, cholesterol, alcohol intake and so on," said Chris in a business-like way. He proceeded to give me a pretty thorough check-up and I am sure I got more of his time than a patient who had not been with him as long as I had, would have received.
"Look Pete, I can't see anything very obviously wrong here. You are drinking more than the recommended government guidelines but so do most people and doctors are about the worst offenders. You are a few pounds overweight but I can see you are keeping pretty fit, there's very good muscle tone, your pulse rate is low and your blood pressure well within safe limits. I will get the results of your blood tests back within a couple of days so why don't you book another appointment to see me next week and we'll take it from there."
"OK, fine I'll do that, thanks Chris," I said as I left his room.
So that was that for now, no answers yet but at least my affliction was not an indicator of any deeper health issue it seemed. I made an appointment for the following week and went back to my usual schedule of work, social engagements and some cycling and running at the weekend. Next Wednesday seemed to come round quickly and I found myself back in Chris's surgery in no time.
"Well Pete, I've got your blood test results and all is normal. Cholesterol is just within the acceptable limits, you have no prostate trouble indicators from the PSA and everything else is within the normal ranges. Which brings us back to your original issue. Have you tried Viagra?"
"Yes I have," I replied, "and it works up to a point but it's not fail-safe with me and frankly I would much prefer to find a solution that did not require the slipping down of a pill half an hour before the time you think you might be having sex."
Chris regarded me thoughtfully and it was a minute or so until he spoke again. "There is a practitioner who has been pioneering a new treatment in this area. I have sent a couple of patients to her and they both came back pretty happy with the results. There's no surgery involved, no pills or injections, as far as I know it's more psychological but she is slightly guarded about what specific methods she employs. She also asks her patients to sign a confidentiality undertaking so the guys I sent to see her couldn't tell me exactly what she does but, as I say, they seemed more than satisfied. Not surprisingly she is in private practice and I don't think you will find that your health insurer covers her so you will have to be prepared to lay out several hundred pounds. What do you think?"
"You said 'she'? Isn't this an unusual branch of medicine for a woman to be involved in? What do you know about her?"
"Yes it is indeed a lady. Her name is Dr Fiona Nicholson, I believe she branched out into psychology and behavioural science after qualifying but that's about all I know. And there are plenty of male gynaecologists so it isn't really that surprising is it?"
"Fair point," I replied. "I can't see much downside, I might as well at least go to see her and hear what she has to say. Can you write me a letter of referral?"
Which Dr Paterson did then and there and which led me to find myself standing outside an impressive house in leafy Wimbledon two weeks later, a feeling of nervous anticipation in the pit of my stomach. I went up the half dozen steps to the front door and pressed the bell. The door was opened by a rather attractive Filippino lady in nurses' uniform.
"I'm Peter Hardy, I have an appointment with Dr Nicholson," I began.
"Ah yes, Mr Hardy, we are expecting you. Do come in," she replied and ushered me into a comfortable sitting room. I glanced around; there was some decent and probably expensive art on the walls and the room was tastefully furnished. Whatever treatment Dr Nicholson was providing it clearly paid well.
"Now Mr Hardy, could I ask you please to fill in this questionnaire," said the nurse handing me a form on a clipboard. It had all the usual questions one would expect concerning medical history, allergies and so on, plus a few rather more intrusive ones concerning sexual performance, or rather lack of it. I filled it in honestly and handed it back to the nurse who tapped away at her keyboard and then handed me a further form.
"Could you also please fill in this confidentiality agreement, it's quite standard," she asked. I took the form and studied it. In exchange for undergoing treatment with Dr Nicholson I must agree not to divulge any details to any third party. It seemed a little unusual but I signed it anyway.
After a few minutes a buzzer sounded on her desk and she directed me towards Dr Nicholson's study which was on the floor above.
I knocked on the door and hearing a muffled reply to enter, pushed it open. I was in a spacious room with a desk in one corner, an examination couch in another and a large sofa with what looked like removable covers down one wall. Sitting at the desk was Dr Nicholson who turned round and stood up as I entered the room. I stopped and my jaw went a little slack. She was gorgeous. Wavy ash blonde hair cut stylishly to sit just on her shoulders, blue eyes wearing a faintly quizzical expression, full lips slightly parted. Not much make-up, but then she didn't need it, just a hint of eye liner and mascara. She was wearing a white coat that didn't quite conceal a generous looking chest, and which finished a couple of inches above the knee. Her elegant black heels showed to best advantage shapely legs. She was quite tall, about 5' 9" and around 38 or 39 I guessed. She was approaching me with her hand outstretched. I regained my composure and shook her hand which squeezed mine ever so slightly. I took a quick glance at her left hand; no sign of a ring.
"Mr Hardy," she said, fixing me with a direct gaze, "I am Fiona Nicholson."
"Er, yes that's right Peter Hardy, nice to meet you," I stammered.
She invited me to sit in a chair next to her desk and resumed her seat. She had the questionnaire I had just filled in up on the screen in front of her and had what looked like the referral letter from Dr Paterson on the desk in front of her.
"So, you have been having some difficulty achieving and maintaining erections, which is of course the reason you are here. I can assure you that at your age that is far from uncommon. I see that Dr Paterson has carried out all the normal health and fitness tests and you don't seem to be in bad shape at all. So let's see what we can do to get to the bottom of the issue (she seemed to put a little more emphasis on the word "bottom") and find out how we can help you. Now please don't be embarrassed about any matters that we discuss here, nor the physical examination I shall be giving you. This is all part of my job and I see men without their clothes on every day of the week."
I thought I detected a very faint crinkling of the eyes with that last statement.
"Now are there any particular circumstances in which you find it difficult to achieve or maintain an erection?" she asked. "I see you are unmarried, or no longer married. Do you have a regular girlfriend?"
"No I don't and I'm afraid it's a general thing, it doesn't happen, or not happen rather, at any particular time."
"So it's not, for instance, down to nerves when going out with someone new?"
"No I don't believe so," I replied looking her squarely in the eye. She had crossed her legs and was exhibiting a pleasing degree of thigh clad in black nylon.
"Right," she said standing up, "would you like to go and lie down on the couch and please take off your socks and shoes, trousers and pants. I need to examine you before we decide on a course of treatment."