12

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Ethan

Ethan

I followed her car up to her exit and then kept driving to work. If I had my choice, I would've followed her all the way to the parking lot and then watched until she was inside. My protective instincts were off the chart strong for her. She pushed all the right buttons. But she might consider me a stalker if I let it loose this early. And then she'd run for sure. She was a runner.

I'd always hated runners. I could deal with brats, fighters, criers; hell, even whiners. But runners were just too damn much trouble. Hard to catch. Then once you catch them, you have to bring them out of hiding. Grace was in this group. She hid behind a pristine image, a pseudonym, and a dead husband. But she was something special when she let that guard down. And you know when she flashes you that glimpse of what's inside that you are the only one who has seen it. And that does something to a person. To me.

But so far all she'd given me was glimpses. There had been moments when I thought we were going to make a breakthrough. I saw it on her face. And then, poof! Vanished.

I can go slow. If she needs to see self-control, I can show it to her. Fuck, we can't get much more vanilla. But it isn't working. She's still got one foot out the door, no closer to committing to any kind of relationship than the first day we met.

What the fuck?

I'd give her up if I thought I could. Or if she didn't respond to me. But that's the thing ... she submits without even realizing it. Naturally. She has no idea she's doing it. It's the most beautiful fucking thing I've ever seen. And that's why I can't let her go. She's more addictive than any fucking drug on the market. She's my personal designer drug.

My dick twitched as a brief mental image of her sucking me off in the car came into sharp focus. Then the feel of her sweet cunt milking my cock dry after our morning fuck.

God, she's so perfect.

I'd only been away from her for an hour and already I was craving her. It was like quitting smoking all over again.

Fuck, it's going to be a long night. Why the fuck are you going to John's uncle's place?

I knew the answer. I needed to give Grace the chance to run. Until she stopped hiding, the only way to know if she was being true to herself was to give her the opportunity to get away.

If this situation is wrong for her, she won't be able to keep herself from running.

But it's not wrong. It's so right, it scares the shit out of me.

***

I broke down and called Grace at work. I had to hear her voice. There was something about it that calmed me. I fully realize how idiotic that sounds.

I considered blowing off the practice, but in the end, made myself go. If for no other reason than to talk to John about Grace and get his take on it. It couldn't hurt.

There were a total of six cars in front of John's uncle's house. I recognized three of the cars as belonging to John, Parker, and Holly. I tried not to cringe.

I walked up to the house to greet Parker first. Parker was John's uncle. His last name anyway, and what we called him; I didn't even know his first name. That was just something you got used to in the lifestyle. Nicknames. For people who relied on building trust in their partner, we were an untrusting group. I knew a couple who'd been playing for six months before they knew each other's real names.

Parker wasn't in the lifestyle. He was just a loner who lived in this old house out in the country. His wife died some ten years back. As far as we could tell, he hadn't gotten back out in the dating world since. It was a waste because he was a good guy.

"Hey, Parker. How's it goin'?"

"Ethan, hey. Things are good. John and everyone are out

that

way." He pointed toward the east. "Better light this time of day."

"You joining us?"

"Nah. My shoulder has been bothering me lately. I need to take a break."

"Everything else okay? Caught yourself a girl, yet?"

"All the time. Catch and release."

I nodded. He'd been saying the same thing for as long as I knew him, which was going on five years. I figured it was his way of politely telling me to fucking mind my own business. I kept asking, though.

I walked through the side door and spotted the group. A moment later I heard John's whip crack. I knew it was his by the loudness of it. He and I were the only ones in our circle who invested serious money in our implements. We both had 12-foot, 12-plait kangaroo bullwhips that tapered to thin crackers on the end, producing a wicked sound. The other regulars sported mostly shorter stock whips or synthetics. They worked well but weren't nearly as impressive sounding.

I tried not to notice Holly as I approached, but she was like an old bad habit. Every once in awhile your eyes are bound to shop even when it's not what you want anymore. She was most definitely not what I wanted. Unfortunately, she caught me looking at her.

Fuck!

I stopped and stood a comfortable ten feet from where she was standing and focused my full attention on John. He was explaining to Deke about timing, which was so critical to the more advanced cracks. I must've arrived at the end of his mini lesson because the other guys who'd been listening were starting to palm their whips and spread out. I created my own space and started my warm-up routine.

About ten minutes later, I spotted John out of the corner of my eye making his way toward me. I coiled my whip in one hand and turned toward him.

"Hey, glad you could make it."

I nodded.

"Where's our author?"

"She's at home catching up on laundry."

"Yours?"

"No. Hers."

John nodded. "You been seeing her a lot?"

"Yeah. We spent the weekend together, actually."

"Oh, geez, that's great, Ethan."

John was one of the few people who knew me well enough to know I didn't date casually. And that I hadn't seen anyone since Holly.

"How's it working out?"

I shrugged. "Slow. She's, uh, complicated."

"Isn't everyone?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, I guess. She's just harder for me to figure out."

"How come?"

"She's been beaten down pretty good by her late husband. He cheated on her, but she didn't find out until after he died, so she never really got a chance to deal with it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, is she into kink? I mean, you know, not just writing about it."

"Yeah, I think so. I'm taking it slow, trying not to scare her and everything, but so far she's done real well. She's a natural, that's for sure."

John nodded.

"I'm not getting through to her, though. Not yet, anyway. She acts like she's going to let go and then ... doesn't. I don't know."

"Sexually or mentally?"

"Oh, she can come. And that's just getting better. But emotionally she's got one foot out the door, like she's just waiting for the signal to run. That's why I'm going real slow."

"Maybe that's the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you shouldn't take it slow. Has she given you any clear signs of being frightened of going further?"

"No. Nervous."

"Of course. She doesn't know what to expect. Does she ask questions?"

"All the time."

"There's your answer. She's curious. She wants more."

"But what if she can't handle it and she runs?"

"Then I guess you better tie her down and do your job. Use a safeword and talk to her; you know the drill."

"I've just never had this particular issue before."

John nodded. "I looked up her books online and they call them 'sugar kink'."

"What does that mean?"

"Bondage and discipline without the pain."

"

Sugar Kink

. That pretty much describes it."

I caught a glimpse of Holly moving up on my flank and dropped the conversation.

"Hey, guys. Um, can I talk to you for a minute, Ethan?"

I felt my empty stomach turn. "Yeah, sure." I looked over at John. He waved as he turned toward the group. "What do you want, Holly?"

"You don't have to sound so hostile, do you?"

"Where's Harley?"

"He's, uh, I don't know. Out, I think. That's not really working out."

Why am I not surprised?

"I came here to practice, not socialize. Is there something you want to say?"

"Well, kind of, but not like this. Can we talk back at your place?"

"Not tonight."

"Tomorrow night, then?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"I, there are some things I want to say. About what happened and the sort of place I was in when we broke up."

"Holly, save it. I don't want to rehash the past."

"No, me neither. I just

need

to say some things, okay? And then you can do whatever you want with me."

I shifted my weight from one hip to the other. I was already growing tired of talking with her.

"Listen, go back to your practice. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?"

I nodded. I didn't know what else to do at that point. I sure as hell had nothing to say to her and I didn't really want to hear what she had to say, either. The nicest thing I could do was just agree to a phone call.

I managed to get through the rest of the evening without another Holly encounter. In truth, I spent most of my time pondering what John had said about pushing Grace. It was starting to make perfect sense to me. She had some confidence issues and I wasn't helping them by babying her. In fact, I was probably making them worse. She may not have experienced many things firsthand, but she did her research. She knows what happens. She also had to wonder why I wasn't trying any of it on her. And knowing the way her mind worked, she was blaming it on herself.

I walked to the edge of the clearing, out of earshot from the rest of the group and called my friend Julian. He was opening the dungeon for a private event the following evening at 9pm. He planned to get there to ready the place at seven. We could have the dungeon to ourselves for 2 hours.

Perfect.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was how I always felt when I had a plan.

I headed back toward the house to say my farewell to Parker. Holly had him cornered in the kitchen, so I kept walking. From the looks of it, she was pouring on her charm pretty thick.

All I could focus on was getting home to call Grace. Being away from her was starting to kill me and I didn't want to think about why that was.

***

Work dragged on and on. The monotony was interrupted by a brief annoying phone call from Holly around lunchtime. She wanted to come to my house after work to talk. I explained to her that I had plans at seven and couldn't make it. She tried her usual bullshit to get me to change my mind but if ever I wasn't in the mood for her shit it was right then. I considered telling her off and getting it over with. I was so over her it wasn't even funny.

But the community we hung out in was pretty small. Unless one of us moved out of town, there was no way of avoiding running into each other. I thought of Grace. How Holly could hurt her with her sniping. I knew I had to try to keep the peace. So I bit my tongue and told Holly we'd have to make it another time if she couldn't spit out what she wanted to say on the phone. I thought she took it okay. It got her off the phone and out of my hair so I could go back to watching the clock.

It had to be the slowest fucking day ever.

By 4:20, I'd had enough. I couldn't stand it another minute. I shutdown my laptop and made a quick exit.

About halfway home, I realized that my dick was fucking steel. Mental images of Grace's creamy white bare bottom being striped just about had me coming in my jeans like a teenager.

Get a grip, E. You seriously can't lose your head tonight. If you want to keep seeing her...God, how I want her...Fuck.

And there was the problem. I wanted Grace more than I'd ever wanted anyone or anything in my entire life. She was fucking perfection. Five and a half feet of the deadliest curves known to man with an angel's face that could turn the holiest saint to sin. And the way she was all fucked up in the head was adorable. Especially because she knew it. She was humble and nice and caring, and I wanted to fuck her until all those dirty words she writes come tumbling out of that sweet mouth of hers. I wanted her to scream my name as if I'm the only person on the planet. And then watch her blush when I kiss her in front of her parents because she knows I might go further; because she can't help but imagine it.

I want her in my world every day for the rest of my life.

I mentally calculated the number of days I'd known Grace. It was awfully soon to be making such statements. I was with Holly for a year and never came close. Somewhere in my bones I just knew about Grace. I couldn't explain it.

I headed straight to the shower when I got into the house. I needed to jack off. Bad.

I barely waited until the water was warm enough before stepping inside. My hand went to work on my steel rod, rubbing out a quick one in a matter of minutes.

Fuck, that felt good.

I washed my hair and soaped my body. My dick was still bobbing around like a bottle in the ocean.

Fuck!

I had a choice. I could walk around with a hard dick or take care of it.

Fuck.

I rested my head on my left arm while my right hand started stroking. I let my mind wander where it wanted to go.

Grace.

Random images floated in the space between my ears. Grace's tight ass and how heavenly it was going to feel when I fucked it for the first time. Her head bobbing on my lap with a collar around her neck and a chain hanging between her pierced nipples. Marking her sweet white ass until all her pain and all her tears belonged to me. Until she belonged to me.

Fuck yes.

I gripped my cock as the last of my cum spewed over my hand.

Damn I love that woman.

The water was getting cooler. I'd been in the shower a long time. It was worth it, though. My dick was starting to relax.

God, I needed that.

I turned off the water and opened the door to reach for my towel. My heart skipped a beat when I heard a voice. I froze and held my breath.

Holly?

I couldn't make out the words but that was definitely her voice. I listened for a second voice.

Who is she talking to?

I couldn't hear anyone.

Is she on the phone?

What the FUCK is she doing here?

After I got over the initial shock of hearing someone in my house, and when I discovered it was Holly, I was pissed-off beyond belief. I jogged over to my chest of drawers and threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. I didn't even bother with underwear.

When I made my way across the living room toward the kitchen, Holly was munching on a piece of raw spaghetti and waiting for water to boil.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cooking you dinner. I wanted to talk to you before your date."

"How the fuck did you get in here?"

"My key."

She held up her key and I held out my palm for her to hand it over. I remembered only then that I'd planned to ask for it after I was sure she had all her stuff. I forgot.

As I pulled my hand away I noticed another key sitting on the counter top.

"Who were you talking to earlier?"

"Oh. Um, your friend. That writer."

It didn't take me long to put it together. Grace had come over and found Holly.

Oh, fuck! Oh, no!

Panic started to rise in me the likes I'd never felt before.

I grabbed Holly's wrist and yanked her toward the door.

"Ouch! Stop Ethan, you're hurting me."

"Shut up, Holly. Where's your purse?"

"I didn't bring one."

"Your car keys?"

"In my pocket."

"Good." I yanked her through the front door and onto the stoop. "I don't want you to come back here. Ever. Do you understand?"

She had the nerve to look shocked. Her bottom lip began to quiver. "I know I fucked up, Ethan, but I promise I won't do it again."

"I don't care. It's over. I'm with someone else. Now, leave."

Holly stood her ground as if preparing to argue with me.

"I mean it, Holly. This isn't a game. Go. Now."

She turned and stomped toward her car. I didn't wait for her to drive off. I turned back toward the house. I needed to right this wrong. But in order to do that, I'd have to catch Grace first.

I turned off the stove and checked to see if anything else was on, then I ran to the bedroom and pulled out my leather pants and a pair of shoes. I located the cuffs I'd used on Grace, plus a matching collar and ankle cuffs that I hadn't shown her yet that were part of the set. In the back of my closet was my dungeon satchel. I opened it and threw the cuffs and collar inside.

I swiped Grace's key off the counter and dashed out the door to my car.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Home

Grace

When I finally pulled myself together enough to lift my head from my steering wheel, I had no idea where I was or how long I'd been sitting there. I knew I was somewhere in Ethan's neighborhood.

I twisted and peered out the back window. I recognized the main street. I hadn't made it very far. His house was only one street over.

Wiping my tears for what I hoped was the last time because I was down to my last couple of tissues, I took a deep breath and shifted the car into drive.

I was thankful that my mind was numb; floating in a haze. I wanted it to last for as long as possible. I couldn't stand to think about what had happened. What it was about me that just invited men to cheat.

It wasn't until I was pulling in my driveway that I saw him. I nearly rammed right into the back of his Volvo.

I started to open the garage door but then changed my mind. I didn't want him in my house. So, I parked in the driveway and sat there.

After a few seconds Ethan was standing at my door. He tried to open it but it was locked. He rested his forehead against the glass and sighed loud enough for me to hear him through the closed window.

"Grace, please don't do this. I didn't let her in my house, she still had a fucking key from when she lived there. I didn't even know she was there until I got out of the shower. You have to believe me. I would never do that to you."

I'd suspected that she might've been tricking me on that part. But there was still the other stuff. Things she said, things he'd said. And the pierced nipples. Was that something he asked all his girlfriends to do? Is that even what I was to him...a girlfriend? I had no idea at that point.

I shook my head and avoided looking at him.

"Talk to me, Grace. Yell at me, cuss me out...anything. Please."

I didn't want to yell at him. I just wanted it to all go away. I wanted to go back to how I was before I met Ethan.

Liar!

I glanced across the passenger side of the car and beyond the Volvo. One of my neighbors was standing on his stoop and staring in our direction with great interest.

Oh, shit! This probably looks real bad.

I sat back and rolled the window down and then turned the car off.

"Thank you." Ethan crouched down on his haunches to get eye level with me. "I'm sorry that happened, Grace."

I bit back tears and nodded. "She said some things..." The emotions were welling up in me all over again. I didn't want him to see me cry. It made me feel so vulnerable.

"It's okay to cry. The thought of losing you makes me want to do the same thing."

I busted out in tears and dropped my forehead to the steering wheel. It was the thought of our relationship ending that was devastating me.

After a few moments, I lifted my head and picked up a half-used tissue to wipe my nose and eyes. I glanced to my left to check his expression. I was expecting to see that look of panic you usually see in men's eyes when you cry. Like the whole world is ending and they don't know who to call first. But Ethan was just calm. And patient. He looked sad, but not from pity. He was hurting, too.