My wife was a total bitch! I mean a one hundred percent purebred, howling at the moon bitch! Moaning day and night about everything from the yard needing to be raked to having too much laundry to do. Shit, Terry didn't work, she didn't do housework worth crap, she didn't even fuck very good. All day long while I worked my ass off playing suck-up to the vice president of the company I worked for, she laid around the house feeling sorry for herself. At company picnics and parties she always whined that she didn't have as many nice toys as the other manager's wives or some such shit.
But I was indulgent of her, mainly because I really was deeply in love with her. We had met at college, where I was getting my master's degree in marketing and she was taking every bullshit art history class they offered. We met, believe it or not, at a Baptist Student Union party where a friend had dragged me in an effort to convert me to a Jesus lover. Terry was there because her friend had told her that all the rich boys would be there.
Well, we got to talking and somehow, some way, I fell in love with her and she fell in love with my father's money and influence. Of course I didn't realize that was what she was after then; I was a little naive. To make a long story short, we started dating and soon went steady and then before I woke up we were married.
I should have been suspicious when she told me she was on her period on our wedding night and we didn't screw for a whole week. Finally she relented and we made love, but where she had been an active, eager participant in the past, that night she was exceptionally passive, lying on the bed and not moving until I came inside her, then she just rolled over and wanted to go to sleep.
That is how our lives went for several years. I was becoming more and more unhappy and had seriously considered getting out of the marriage a couple of times. Finally, I put my foot down.
"Terry, either we go to a marriage counselor or I want a divorce," I said one night over the table at one of her favorite restaurants.
"What?" She looked at me aghast for a full minute while the tension built between us, then she burst into tears. I had lived with her too long. I knew it was just a ruse and I wasn't moved.
"I've been a terrible wife, but I'll get better. I'll try really hard this time," she said through the crocodile tears.
Yeah right! Oh sure, things would change for a week or two but then we'd be right back here again. I admit it, I'm a cold bastard at times and I had anticipated her reaction. "Okay, if you really want to try then come to counseling with me," I said, softly but firmly.
"Why do we need a counselor? I thought our marriage was so good!" She saw my face and the tears dried up as she changed tactics.
"That's why we need a counselor," I said, keeping my voice low, but firm.
Throughout the rest of the meal we argued, but I never wavered and finally, while we were driving home, she gave in.
"Well fuck! If you're so set on it then we'll go, but it won't change anything. She'll side with me, you'll see. I'll get us a counselor tomorrow."
"No." If I let her pick the counselor she'd be right. She'd side with her. Terry would make sure of that before we ever got there. But I ain't that stupid. "I've already booked an appointment for Friday afternoon. I'll pick you up at home at two o'clock and we'll drive over together."
"Who the fuck is it? How do you know she's any good?" She glared at me across the center console between us.
"Do you remember Paul, the vice president?"
"Yeah, the one with the mousy wife who dotes on him hand and foot and dresses like a total slutpuppy?"
"Yeah, that's him. He recommended this counselor to me."
"Why in the hell would that asshole need a marriage counselor? His wife is so sweet and nice and good to him. He couldn't ask for a better marriage."
"Well, fact is, he told me that years ago she wasn't very nice to him at all and he didn't know how to make her happy. They went to this counselor and now they have a very wonderful, happy marriage. He told me that without counseling he wouldn't be a vice president, that he might not even still be with the company."
I almost thought she was going to admit defeat. She looked down at her hands lying demurely in her lap and pouted for a full two minutes. I let her. Then she looked over at me and shrugged.
"You're really serious about this, aren't you?"
"Dead serious. And one other thing: if this fails, I'll file for divorce the next day."
"You'd really divorce me? After all the good times we've had?"
"Name one." That shut her up and when I looked over I thought I saw real tears in her eyes, but she didn't say a word.
That night she slept in the guest room, and the next night too. Then Friday came and I went home to pick her up promptly at two. The bitch had a rosy black eye! I nearly shit my pants.
"What the fuck happened to you?" I gasped.
"I fell and hit a door but nobody else knows that. You call this off right now or I call the police and swear up and down you beat the shit out of me."
My gut roiled inside me and I felt my world starting to collapse, but as I looked closer I realized the bruise wasn't real and inside I laughed at her stupidity. Did she really expect me to fall for such a stupid trick? It just showed how little respect she had for me. I stared at her and my heart went cold. Ice formed in my veins and every ounce of love and respect I'd ever had for her slid down my leg and out onto the floor. I reached to my belt and handed her my cell phone.
"Go ahead. I'll tell 'em it's makeup and they'll wash it off and throw your ass in jail for false arrest. Forget the counselor. I'll file for divorce tomorrow." I turned to leave and heard the biggest, fakest sob I've ever heard outside a b-movie.