This one runs the gamut when it comes to true BDSM. Consider yourself warned. And remember your safeword. It's going to be a wild ride!
Special thanks to the real Alex for helping me with a male perspective.
Stay kinky,
SSW
***
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PART 1: MOVE OVER VANILLA DATING APPS
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The first time I saw Alex was on a dating-type app for fans of kinky predilections, including sex.
He had one corner of his mouth cocked and thick-styled blond hair, both of which surely drew in the ladies. But it was eyes the color of a stormy ocean that captivated me. They projected control. Commanded submission. I stared at them, trying to determine if they were really blue, gray, or something else entirely.
When I perused his profile, I noticed he was a college student looking for a play partner, and his age put me at cougar status. Under fetishes, he'd merely listed BDSM. No specifics had been defined, though he had listed his role as a Dom. Which was a bit of a relief that he didn't consider himself a Master. While not impossible that he could have achieved the expected experience to fit the role, at his age, it would have raised red flags that he was probably full of himself.
Delicious shivers raced down my back to between my legs the longer I locked eyes with his photo on my iPhone. Good Lord, if they had that effect on me now, I'd be putty in his hands if we were in person. Kneeling at his feet.
But the age thing kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I was older by twenty years and more experienced in the scene. I'd had several Dominant partners in the time I'd been involved in the lifestyle, and they'd always been the same age or several years older than me. Yet here I was, alone. Again.
Maybe it was time to try younger. Just as long as he didn't want to call me "Mommy."
I hesitated a moment longer then swiped right and thought nothing more of it.
###
A week later, just before Valentine's Day, I received a private message from Alex inviting me to Skype the following night. It included an mp3 recording labeled "Bedtime Roleplay" and instructions that if I agreed to meet him online, I should listen to the attachment—act it out—beforehand. It was the strangest request for a first date I'd ever had. If you could even call it a date.
I was more comfortable writing Emails. Taking the time to think about what I wanted to say. Though I could do the same with chatrooms, they had made me skittish after a bad brush with a guy online a year ago who wouldn't stop sending me nude photos even though I'd politely rejected his advances. I'd tried to block him, but he kept creating new profiles. In the end, I had to delete the program to stop his harassments. I hadn't been back on one since. I hadn't been with a partner in as much time, either.
But I told myself I'd give it a go again. I had to. Especially if I had any desire to be Alex's submissive. I'd have to trust him...to take directions from him. Starting with something small and trivial like using online chatting was easy. He wanted to use it. He wanted me to use it. So I would.
Late Thursday night, I set up a Skype account. And then I was staring at the request to add Alex as a contact. I told myself it was just a casual chat between two consenting adults. He couldn't see me live. I couldn't see him. While he had my photo from the dating app, the only contact info he had was my Email address. If I felt there were any red flags, I could simply disappear back into cyberspace.
Yet, I still hovered the mouse over the button to accept. After another minute, I clicked.
There was no going back now...
===
Alex: Hi, Emma. Looks like you got in okay.
Emma: Yeah, thanks. Sorry it took so long. I had to download the program. It's nice to meet you, Alex.
Alex: You, too. Did you have a good day?
Emma: I had to reject a client. That's never fun. But otherwise, it was good. How were your classes?
Alex: Sorry to hear that. They're so-so. Kinda slow. I'm on a big project, and we're at a standstill with our research.
Emma: When is it due?
Alex: A couple of months still.
Emma: Plenty of time.
Alex: Yep. And I have work in other classes that keep me busy.
(I started to ask him what his project was about when another text appeared on the screen.)
Alex: Emma, honey, you don't really want to talk about my day at school, do you? There are so many other interesting things to discuss.
(I had never been a shallow person, conversing about banal activities just to put on airs that I was interested when I wasn't. Although tonight, I admit, my mind was having difficulty staying focused because I was also thinking about the inevitable. Or what I hoped the inevitable would be.)
Emma: I don't mind. Honestly. Are you not used to discussing your day with others?
Alex: LOL No, I'm not. But only because I don't have a roommate, and I'm not prone to talking to the walls. I'm honored, though, that you care. Are you nervous? Don't be.
Emma: No, I'm fine.
(Because I really was.)
Alex: Good. Can I be honest, too?
Emma: Absolutely. Please.
Alex: I am interested in you, too. I wouldn't have reached out if I wasn't. But we both know we're not here to shoot the shit about work or school. Right?
Emma: Well, right.
(I laughed loudly, startling my cat who jumped up and ran out of the room. I liked this guy. A lot. Damn. Our age difference was no longer of any significance. I was on autopilot, shifting my thoughts and actions into submission mode, merely because he was a Dominant. He wasn't my Dominant yet, but my body didn't care. No matter how long I'd been doing this, meeting someone new who had the potential to control me—if even for a short time—was always arousing in and of itself. But as confident as I was with my own self, with that came a tiny bit of trepidation that I wouldn't please him. That he wouldn't please me, either, because I didn't know the extent of his experience. Which was probably why I was still typing clipped phrases. If there was anything I could attempt to control at the moment, I needed to least appear calm and collected, even if I wasn't.)
Alex: I don't intend for this to be the way we carry on our conversations. Using Skype and Email. I think it just helps to break the ice a little before we meet face-to-face. When, not if, Emma.
(Shivers made my shoulders shake, and I moaned softly.)
Emma: Thanks. I appreciate the consideration.
Alex: Of course. So... Your profile says you like bondage. Tell me, what's your preference? Any experience with rope?
(I smiled. He knew what he wanted and took the initiative to pursue it. I craved that. Respected it.)
Emma: Just the light stuff. Feet. Hands. Mostly being unable to resist my partner's sweet torture.
Alex: Mmm There's plenty I've done that's like that...and so many I want to experiment with.
(It was as good a time as any to put it out there what I was used to. At least on a general level.)
Emma: My previous partners had fetishes other than bondage. Orgasm control and denial was a big one. One really liked my feet. Another was into sapiosexuality, which made for some interesting conversations but not much else. I'm open to try new things. Expand my kinky horizons.
Alex: Nice. Can I send you photos? Not of my own work but of those ties I've done?
Emma: Sure. Either here or Email is fine.
Alex: Mmm I'll send here.
(I licked my lips while I studied the four pictures that showed up on my screen in succession, all of them mostly naked women in various positions with multi-colored rope restricting the model in some way.)
Emma: The hogtie is interesting. I'd be happy to try the last one sometime. The chest harness?
