After dinner
, her boyfriend had made some excuse -- gone to meet a friend about some drugs, he said, and left her alone with his step-father and the other man -- a guest, heavy, unattractive, stubbly beard, heavy gold chains, thick, wet lips. She knew who he was, some fashion business mogul.
They had ignored her, mostly -- talking business and politics, which had made her increasingly mad. She knew that she was pretty, and she knew that they thought she was pretty; she had got into the habit of watching men's eyes as they noticed her; she knew.
And there was something else, too.
The knowledge that she was a pretty young girl, on her own with two very rich men -- both old enough to be her father, but well known for being seen with younger, stunning 'girlfriends' -- this was part of it.
Out of nowhere, the guest broke in on these thoughts;
"Simon says you have expensive tastes."
She is taken off-guard, blushes, stammers;
"Um -- oh.. er.. I.. I g-guess so.." and she hears herself giggle, girlish, weak, and blushes -- why isn't she being cool with them, the ugly old bastards?
"Hmm" -- a considering silence; he is looking at her, his eyes travelling calmly all over her body.
It's insulting! She should say something!
But in reality, she finds herself subtly displaying herself, a little fake smile on her lips -- blushing more.
It goes on too long, until again, she giggles, betraying herself, weak. They're both looking at her quite openly now, in a way that she would never normally accept.
But there seems to be nothing she can do about it, now. Nothing she wants to do, at least.
More silence -- she gets a bit squirmily uncomfortable, and has to take herself in hand, not wanting to lose her cool.
OK, they're staring at her as if she's a model -- she'll show them!
Rather minimally at first, but getting slowly bolder, she begins to preen -- display herself deliberately for them -- inviting their eyes now, checking that they are interested from lowered lashes.
It gets harder and harder, as the silence lengthens, as their stares grow increasingly confident, to manage her mounting shame, the desperate feelings of vulnerability, of the unspeakable offer she is making, but there is no going back, it seems, no stopping, until at last he speaks;
"How would you like me to sponsor you? I could, you know -- keep you in pretty dresses -- maybe a better apartment; a hotel suite? Until I get you a modeling contract -- I can do that, you know."
He -- he's so blatant, undressing her with his eyes as he speaks -- and she only met him three hours ago, can't even remember his full name!
She feels herself start trembling. She.. she finds that she wants that life -- money to buy wonderful clothes, swanky apartment, swanky dinners, swanky clubs, no more college, no need to work. It is as if she has been dying of thirst her whole life without allowing herself to know it, but now someone has offered her water; her whole being is telling her;
Yes!, Yes! Yes!
A pulse beats in her throat, visibly; her cheeks are flushed. But she is a beautiful girl who has been practising the art of managing men since childhood. She keeps her face looking calm, maintains her passive pose, even though the erratic, deep breathing makes her chest, her bosom, her firm breasts, heave.
But they can see it, she knows -- that she is in turmoil. can also see how hard she is working to manage herself, to present herself for their pleasure, to be worthy of their interest; the experience at the same time deeply humiliating and wildly exciting.
But she can't say yes! She can't! He.. he will want to fuck her, have her kiss him, let him fondle her. And he's so -- fat! Hairy! His wet lips; the smell of cigar smoke. She'll know she's some sort of whore.
And the silence grows.
If he had given her any impression of even caring much about the answer, he would have lost her. But he's an old hand at this -- and for a fact he really doesn't care that much. He has two or three girls on the go, and a couple of other luscious prospects under consideration, so this one would be an unexpected bonus -- she hasn't been on his radar -- he had come to talk business, had expected no-one at dinner but his old sparring partner, Simon.
So he leans back, still looking at her, but less intently. His voice is pleasant, urbane, but with a hard centre.
"If you don't know what you want, that's fine. I don't want to cause you any disturbance. Please, forget I said anything."
And that's all it takes;
"Yes! Yes! Please!" she says, in a hurry -- voice breathy, low, throaty (
god, but I sound needy
, she thinks to herself).
Her cheeks are fiery now -- and she is, she is; deeply, needy. She wants what he offers so badly she can taste it; feels tears prickling in her eyes at the thought that she might get it -- might become that whore.
She is offering herself to this man she knows almost nothing about, who is older than her father, in front of her boyfriend's step dad, and they all know exactly what is being negotiated. It feels as if she is on some extreme high -- lucid, very, very immediately present, but utterly dazed at the same time. Nothing feels real.
Nothing that is, except the fierce, urgent need, burning within her, for that life. She has been offered it, and now she must, must, get it (
but, the cost! -- yes, and the cost, too, since it must be paid