I open my eyes to the sound of the shower running in our master bathroom. What time is it? I roll over in the sheets. Oh no. I stop and suddenly tense; my eyes shoot open. I desperately try to recall the events of the night before. Wine, lots of wine. My mouth is dry and I can taste the cigarettes I must have smoked. How long did I stay out? Can't remember. I search for my phone. Not here. I tip toe out of the bed and down the hall to the kitchen. There it is. Wait, no texts? Then I remember, the phone died. I texted him from hers. I remember my devious thought: his hands are tied if I text from her phone. He can't respond with anything but agreement, wouldn't want our friends to read the messages he really wants to send. I see the fast food bag on the counter. The dinner I never finished is in the refrigerator. Guilt washes over me, and anxiety. I know what's coming.
The shower is still running. I have some time. I rush to the guest bathroom and try to freshen up as quick as I can. Mouthwash, body spray and a wipe for down below. I stop there and wonder. Did he take me last night? Sometimes he has fun with me drunk, enjoys the lowered inhibitions and false confidence (even if he plans to punish me for them later). I spread my lips open and slide a finger down my slit. Dry and not the least bit tender, just like my backside... for now. I hear the shower stop.
Down the hall I sprint silently and start the coffee maker. He'll still need to shave and dress. There's still to make him breakfast. I'll have to face the consequences regardless, but maybe I can redeem myself a little first. I'm a jumble of feelings now. Hungover of course, but there's more. Nervous butteries fill my stomach as I anticipate whats coming, guilt sits heavy on my chest as I think of his disappointment, and underneath that a faint longing already beginning. A longing for absolution and for approval... and for the discipline I know I need. I feel a sweet sensation between my legs at the thought. How shameful is that? I'm already starting to get wet. I hear the door open down the hall.
I keep my back turned and try to look busy at the stove although I can feel his eyes behind me. He's looking at the naked line of my back curve into my waist and out to my hips and thighs. He's looking at the backs of my thighs and the round ass above them, vulnerable and waiting. "I see we aren't feeling too bad to cook this morning," his tone is falsely light.
"Good morning honey. How would you like your eggs?" I try to feign calmness but my hands are fidgeting at my sides.
"Turn off the stove and come here." He says calmly, letting out a sigh. My head drops as I walk to him obediently. I can feel his disappointment.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. It's was so stupid and I won't do it again. I feel so guilty. And I swear-"
"Ok, ok. That's enough. I know," he says as he puts his finger over my lips. My mouth opens just a bit, instinctively, but he retracts his hand. "Go look out the window. You see your car there don't you?"
"Yes."
"Now go look in the fridge. That's lasts nights dinner ruined isn't it?"
"Yes, but-"
"Now go look in the mirror," he cuts me off and points the mirror across the room. "How do you look?"
A wine stain crosses my dry lower lip, mascara is settled under my eyes, my hair is tangled. "Like a, a girl who stayed out drinking and didn't take a shower?" I squeak out quietly.
"Yes, and what kind of girl is that?"
"A slut," I bit my lip and look at the floor in front of his feet.
"So what are you today?"
"I'm a slut."
"Look at me when you say it. Tell me what you are and what you did and what you deserve," his voice stays even, firm but not yelling.
It hurts so much to look in his eyes and say my failure out loud. "I'm a dirty slut who stayed out drinking and didn't take care of you or myself the way I should and I deserve to be - to be," he's still staring and waiting, "to be spanked and punished how you see fit." My lip quivers and I hold back a tear.
"That's right. You know I don't want to do this, but you know that you need it. You know you can't be responsible or be the kind of woman you want to be without my discipline. It's my job to teach you your lessons"
"I know. I'm so sorry."
"Well go clean yourself up and put on some clothes for gods sake. Wash that dirty face of yours and meet me in my office."
After making myself as presentable as I can I run to his office. I don't want him to be kept waiting long.
He has the high backed chair in the center of the room and is waiting. "You're going to go over my knee and get your ass spanked hard. You know that. However, this is the third time this has happened this summer and just getting your ass swatted doesn't seem to be getting the message through. I've been going easy on you, but today I'm going to give you something to remember."
My heart is pounding now. I watch him unbuckle his belt and slide it through the loops before he sits in the chair.
"Come here."
I freeze. I feel by bladder tighten. And have to stop myself from peeing right there. I'm so nervous.
"I said come here right now. Do you want me to have to come and get you?"
