Abandonment and Return

The man I started to work with to learn my submissive nature is a voice at the end of a telephone line and only an email away. When I first began to speak to him, he wanted to meet me – on the beach with no panties, in a parking lot in cars across from each other while he told me how to caress myself. Discussing these things as exciting – but I could not do them. And perhaps I disappointed him, because I still don't know his name or if we will ever meet face to face or if I will ever feel his touch. I have begged him to come to me but he chooses not to. And so, I cried out in fear and loneliness– "Well then, perhaps this is not what I want." And he had me write a letter of exactly what I wanted and he instructed me to go and find this thing.

Dear Sir,

Mostly what I want is for someone to tell me what to do and when to do it. Things I love, like sucking cock, and things I am afraid of too. And I want it to be more important to please the other person and to truly submit because I want their approval. And in the process I want to cum a lot. I want to get fucked a lot - in my mouth, my pussy, my ass. I want them to share me and to remind me that I am just there for them to do as they please. And I want them to be proud of me and respect me for all I want to give them. I want to be fucked by more than one person. I want to be fucked for hours - I want to be spanked and tied up and given just a little bit of pain. I am scared about the pain - I don't know if I want it really. But the submission - I know I want that. And touch sir, I want to be touched and to touch them as they choose.

And I tried – but they were only people who wanted to fuck my mind or my body. I came across no one in that week that seemed to understand me at all. And Sir had said he would not call me unless I asked.

And I wrote a short email to Sir, and he wrote me back. And he agreed to call me and speak with me and I was so glad. He told me to get out all my toys...the vibrators, butt plug, nipple clips and clothespins. He told me to light a candle in my bedroom and to go and pee myself in the shower and then return to him on line and let him know I was ready. I am his slut and I did as he asked. I went to the bathtub and climbed inside...but I could not pee. When Sir asked me, I lied to him and said that I had done everything he asked. I was afraid to fail again at this task. I have already failed to please him so many times.

He had me strip and put my vibrator up my ass. He has me snap clothespins on my nipples and tie them tight with rope. It hurt and it felt so good. I was squirming and wet. I had just shaved my pussy the night before and now cum dripped between my legs and it felt like I was doing the right things to please Sir and I was receiving so much pleasure in return. Then he had me take the candle and I was scared of what he would ask me to do. He told me to drip wax on my nipples and I did. It was so HOT. I cried out and Sir told me to take the candle and hold it as close as I could bear to my nipples – and then to my clit – I was afraid I would burn myself! And I was still dripping wet. And then Sir had me put that hot candle in my pussy. I wasn't sure if he meant lit or not or how I could possibly hold the candle in my pussy while I held the vibrator in my ass. So I blew it out – I think Sir meant me to blow it out first (?!).

Sir had me pull the clothespins from my nipples and I begged and moaned and cried – it hurt so much! And the rope was still tied around them holding them up and out. Sir had me remove the candle and I relit the candle in its holder. He had me take my butt plug to fuck my pussy but it was not enough! I wanted more and I begged him for more. I wanted to cum and he told me I would not cum today. He had me spank my pussy hard so he could hear and count while I moaned. It was a wet sound because my pussy was covered in my juice.

Sir had me take the vibrator from my ass and clean it in my mouth just the way he likes me to – until I am gagging with it deep in my throat. And he had me run that vibrator over my clit and I was begging him to let me cum. Everything began to get very hazy in my mind and I barely remember him using the vibrating nipple clips but I know he did use them. I know he had me drip more wax on my nipples and that I felt less pain and more pleasure from the HOT. I begged Sir please to let me cum – please because I was so wet and I needed to cum so bad. He asked me why and I told him I am his slut and I need him to allow me to cum. I actually tried and could not cum until he gave permission! And he said maybe and I begged harder. Finally he let me rub my clit and fuck my pussy with my vibrator until I came and came. When he hung up the phone, aftershocks were still pulsing though my clit and up into my pussy. I knew that I didn't need just sex – I needed this – to be submissive to Sir and to seek others to guide me as He said - and to touch me and to help me find myself in the submission.