A man like me at this stage in my life should not feel this way, or so I thought. Here I was a 40-year-old widower finding myself enraptured like a teenager for this woman. A younger woman at that, but OH what a woman she is. She is naïve and yet wise beyond her years, possessing a wonderful mix of intelligence, insecurity, and common sense. She is in my eyes childlike and yet filled with a smoldering passion that burns deep just beneath the surface. She awoke feelings of joy, tenderness, hopeful love, and raw lust in me I had buried so deep I never thought I'd feel them again.
We found each other when neither one of us was looking nor seeking a mate. Those first tentative steps were slow and cautious as we both came to realize over coffee and conversation that something between us just seemed right. After countless phone calls and letters and chats on the Internet we came to know each other.
I learned her mother had ruled her every move and when she finally got her own apartment at the age of 26 she found herself unable to make decisions because she lacked any self-confidence. Her mother is a vile woman who ridiculed her every decision and whose constant criticism has made her an easy target for the bullying slugs she had dated.
She could put together bank loans and mortgages and yet found her own bills to be something she couldn't handle. She had decorated her apartment wonderfully but had a hard time deciding what to eat for supper. She would get dressed up on a Friday night just to go shopping because she lacked the courage to walk half a block to a local pub when they had a band even though she loved to dance.
Instead she would sit by the open window and listen to the music and laughter. Surrounded by people she was alone and I often felt the same way.
After I lost my wife I often sat alone on my patio with a drink and now found myself wondering how many times we had both sat in the dark waiting for some one to find us and yet here we were separated by only a few city blocks.
I am a spankophile by nature and was terrified she would either laugh at this or be disgusted by my confession. To my surprise this quiet and shy girl brought this up before I had the chance. She confided in me that before her Father left her Mom when she was 18 she had received regular bare bottom spankings and paddlings.
Always given by her Father, but usually by her Mother's order she found that although she hated them, afterward when she was forgiven and hugged by him, she felt loved and guilt free. She would be spanked for anything her Mom felt she did wrong.
If her grades slipped from an A to a B+ and it was the paddle, oversleep and leave the bed unmade, it was a spanking, come home late and it was the strap! After he left there were no more spankings but her Mother's non-stop criticism and put downs had piled on plenty of guilt and a lack of self-respect with little affection and no release.
Armed with months of conversation our first date was simply a walk by the river with an ice-cream cone in one hand and her hand in my other. We talked about everything and anything and I found her to be simply enchanting. Dressed in jeans and T-shirts all was well till a sudden summer shower sent us running about ¾ of a mile to her apartment laughing all the way. There in the hall, dripping wet and shivering, we kissed for the first time. The gentle softness of her lips melted my heart right there.
She brought me a towel and took my wet shirt to the dryer. Then she changed into sweat pants and a sweater. We sat on her couch as the thunder rumbled and the lightning flashed and when the power went out and the room fell into darkness, she snuggled up to me and for a brief time my world was perfect. We kissed and cuddled there on her big couch till she drifted off to sleep with her head on my lap. When I awoke she was still there and the mornings first light was coming in the windows making her look angelic sleeping on my lap. She woke up with a start and a looked at with a sleepy smile and we both laughed. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to her big bed where a dropped her as she shrieked and giggled.
