A New Obsession

My mind raced furiously, not able to grasp any particular thought other than, What would I do to feel that sensation again. For years a fantasy played in my mind, never revealing it to anyone. Now that fantasy had become reality, now totally consuming every thought. In my mind when I lay alone and touched myself, it was nothing more then the briefest vision, a glimpse of what in actuality it really was. It was what many might consider a perversion, humiliation, but to me it was total ecstasy. Again the question races through my mind, what would I do to feel that again, and the answer terrifies me.

I had never been one to find pleasure in extreme pain, or what I considered extreme pain, always bordering on erotic pain for pleasure. My curiosity finally made me beg to find out what a flogger truly felt like against the flesh. I have heard endlessly and have seen how people have responded, the rushes they feel and hearing about endorphins releasing a mind altering high. I begged, and was placed in the position on my hands and knees, my head buried as I apprehensively waits to feel the first tinge of pain race through me.

In the past, I had been trained to have no limits. I would always be unable to say stop, unable to no. It made me very careful, because I was totally at the mercy of the man I found myself kneeling before. I had always been so skittish in a sense, because if my judgment were wrong, I would pay the price dearly. Changing ones thoughts, ones that have been branded into your mind is a slow process. People have endlessly told me how dangerous and unhealthy my way of thinking was, but I have no desire to change, its who I am. With those thoughts carved into my mind, it gives me an euphoria of freedom and release that no endorphins could ever compare to. Limits to me are keeping control, never really surrendering or submitting to another. If I gave up who I was, I would have nothing.

The sounds of the flogger against my flesh spoke of the depth of pain I felt. Then another touched me. I had seen it, small braided strands, which had, seemed to me a delicate beauty. But like a snake, it waited until the last moment and struck with a deadly sting. I closed my eyes tightly, praying for the heaving sound of the flogger instead of the biting silence of pain. It wasn’t long before I felt the warmth of his hands, lightly caressing soothing cream over my hot bottom, soothing and gentle. I knew he would not hurt me, but I don’t know if he really realized I would never say stop. His pleasure, my servitude, my freedom.

Again I felt the bite of leather against my flesh. In the past I had only felt the whip when I displeased, as punishment, trying to associate it with pleasure was not something I was able to do. I experienced no endorphins, only a feeling of surrender. My skin being very fair would keep the marks for days, even weeks.

His hand soothingly moved over my flesh again, inching to the wetness between my thighs. His fingers easily slid into the warmth within, light stroking at first, the furiously moving along the inside wall. My pet position, hands and knees, rocking to the motion, hand pressed to the small of my back, an object for another’s pleasure. Within moments, the fluids poured from within me, ejaculating, the warmth running down my legs and drenching the bed beneath me. That moment, a reenactment o my fantasy, was more intense then I ever thought imaginable. It consumed me, not just the outward reaction, but also the emotions. His experienced hand moved again as the fluids flowed from me, gushing in streams and rivers down my thighs. I was there for his pleasure, and his pleasure was watching me become nothing more then a whimpering pet.

I felt the pressure as his hand slowly inched inside of me, myself opening up in need as the non-stop liquid poured from within me, over and over. It was as if a faucet had been turned on and off with full force. I would have begged for it to never stop, lost in a world of fantasy. How can one put words to something that is totally indescribable? My heart has sobbed for so long for surrender and now it aches for something else now, too. Now the question races through my mind, “What would I do to feel this again, just one more time?” And the answer scares me.