A Morning Lie This

Right now, before lunch and the hospital, she went for a walk around the pretty lake. Despite the chill in her mind, the quiet of the day grew on her. She soon stopped hugging her arms around her body and stretched out, balancing over the pebbles of a little woodland stream, trickling beneath her feet.

There was no one there to tug her close and wrapped an arm around her waist. There was no one there to give her an affectionate or almost possessive squeeze as she drew close to the lakeside. Even so, she liked it here, under the fringes of the woodland canopy, where the green leaves gave way to the sunny March skies. Even alone it felt quiet and almost romantic, walking along, her mind wrapped in dreams.

The sound of the water interrupted her thoughts and the feel of the distant sea breeze made her lift up her face to smile at the hidden sun. If only it could always be like this then every day of her life would be filled with sweetness, and every night would be filled with beautiful memories of everything that would have happened during the day.

-You know - she whispered to herself, turning her head towards friends far away - that a morning like this makes life worth living. It all seems so very special.-

And then she heard the echo of a voice in here head though, an irritating, hectoring, reminding voice...

- Late nights are more ambiguous though? -

- They can be. - She shrugged. - I don't mind that sometimes. -

- That is as well. - the condescending voice of her conscience nagged her.

- It's just that... this wasn't supposed to happen - she muttered and let her hand fall to her side, looking away across the lake.

- His life wasn't supposed to happen? -

- No, of course not. -

- Well, it's a relief not to have a life thrown back at least. -

She held her hands to her head and quenched a sob.

- Hey - the maternalistic voice seemed to murmur, as if to reach out to restrain her anger.

- I'm sorry. I feel so shut me out. I just want some peace, that's all! -

- He wants peace too - the thought echoed in her head until her bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were filling with tears. She touched her cheek, the pressure drawing down a tear. Turning her index finger face upwards to halt the flow, she could feel the tear wobble on a finger tip. She lifted it carefully to her lips, tasting her frustration, her need, her desire. Then, she paused and let her hands drop back to her sides, staring glumly at the horizon.

- I just can't explain what goes on in my head, - she said to a passing cormorant, that had settled on the large boulder behind her, with a loud thought-quenching squawk. - I should, perhaps confront it, rather than...than turning away - The cormorant stared at her beadily from his perch. She stood next to him, looking over at him without expectation, but eventually realising that miracles discounted, he wasn't going to add anything to its first enigmatic utterance. She sighed and crouched down before the rock, watching the cormorant parade up and down. Then she closed her eyes and let the lapping of the waves wash over her.

They seemed to remain there for an age. She didn't want to break the silence in the hope that someone somewhere was waiting for the right moment to reach out and bring her back to him, before the cramp in her calf grew from painful to excruciating.

- The tide's going out - she finally remarked idly, musing to herself. - Well, I never knew that the lake was tidal. I suppose it's just an inlet of the sea. It does seem to cut quite deeply into the land, admittedly - almost as deeply as the ambivalence of a stranger's silence might cut into me? -

Her face softened and she reached up to touch her tear streaked cheek again.

- Ah - she thought. - What would a stranger say to me? How about I promise you that, after the grey silences, you will see the sun again. - And what would I have to say to that. Maybe I feel the grey too deeply, but still I might treasure their feelings. - Sometimes, it's hard to tell and sometimes, words are unnecessary.- Yes and sometimes, I just want...and sometimes isn't always enough - oh hush, girl.

A soft breeze blew gently across the water, bringing in the mixed tang of the sea and the freshness of the pine forests that blocked off any sight of the sea from where they stood. She wanted to cover her face with a soft mantilla and absorb the pretty scent on her fresh female skin.

Her body leant softly into the breeze, lips parted without any expectation of a soft meeting of tongues. The idea made her ache.

She slipped her hand into her shirt and caressed her camisole. Then she buried her head in the crook of her arm, pushing her face against the linen sleeve, smelling the abrasive dampness in the rock. She could feel her bottom lip quivering with emotion as she wrapped her arms around her head, trying to shut out the daylight, standing there, uniting with her yearning.

Did she want to just rest there, she wondered, as she paused, lost in thought. Ambivalence might have been banished but ambiguity remains, she grumbled silently to herself, waiting for the minutes to tick by.

- Girl, - she whispered. - What do you really want? Do you want to belong, to be satisfied and content, and then to lose the fire? Or do you miss the burning delight so much more? Why can't you be more pragmatic?

She made a face, wanting to hear that inner voice saying 'then delight in yourself, you fool.'

What would a dominant do for her? What would a lover offer up? Would he tell her to come and lean down to grab both her wrists pulling her and levering her up, so she lay face down looking into the rock from a different angle? Would her backside be swatted until she blinked, knowing that her selfish obsessions maybe deserved the little retributions? Would she have to absorb the questions and the hand that runs over the body, trying to take no glory in the admiration for her form?

She wanted to take control, to roll over onto her back high up on the rock, like a Promethean waiting for the fire gifted to her to be shared as her clothes were pushed to one side and her moist warmth was entered in a sudden rush. She wanted to feel the thrill of being taken in this exposed place. She wanted to hear whispering that would hold her forever and so never be lost in thought again.

She couldn't help it. It was like a deep need to call out those things had built up inside her. Her mind was no longer in control, only the build up of passion was: a huge tidal wave from the sea, rushing up and across her to engulfing her. She wanted to vibrate with sexual energy as her wetness caressing another.

She wanted the penetrating slide, so deep, deep, deep inside her, pounding her as she built towards the shared climax and the liquefying sensations she so needed. It all seems so very special.

-Yes, it is for sure - she smiled, drawing her skirts down, stroking the creases away from the bunching round her waist, and tugging at her panties, drawing them up and over her once eager, parted thighs - A morning like this makes a life worth living -