A Journey Begun

I HAVE FOUND A PLACE AT WHICH I MAY FIND SOMEONE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND LIVE MY DARKEST FANTASIES; I'M GOING TO PLACE AN AD AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

9/16/2012 3:59:05

Well, this is not really helping me

Is there such a thing as a Mentoring or Coaching program here? < laughs >

I think I need help, someone to talk to for a while. Not just guys wanting to Piss on me!!!!

Yuk!!!!

Oh well, it's only been one day and 100 odd messages. It has to get better, tell me it gets better????

9/20/2012 7:56:00 AM

What an amazing time I had this evening. Another taste of the Darkness I seek to explore. The more He lets me taste, the more my desire grows. And the more at ease I am with the things I want to do.

But He is making me wait.

"Be patient." "Take it slow." Those seem to be His mantras.

I'd still love to chat with others, to learn and to come to terms with the things I want so much to do. Still hoping to find a Mentor who understands to help me to understand.

To those I've spoken with so far, again, thank you

9/21/2012 7:43:14 PM

GETTING DESPERATE...HELP NEEDED!!

After He gave me the most amazing night of my life, I disappointed Him. I did something I promised I wouldn't. I've had only three real life experiences, all with Him over the past few weeks. This is still very new and somewhat daunting for me.

And now, I have to come up with an appropriate punishment for what I did and I have no idea how to atone. I can only think of being whipped or something like that, but that is not acceptable. I also have to 'make it up to Him.' I am out of my depth here.

I suspect this is a test of some sort, one I am determined to pass, to show Him that I have meant what I have said.

Any helpful suggestions on a suitable but creative way to be punished for what I did and things I could do to 'make it up to Him' would be very, very much appreciated.

But for the guys on here, please don't waste your time trying to make this about how you would be better for me than Him or just being crude and abusive.

Thank you in advance.

9/22/2012 5:56:50 PM

Thank You to all those who messaged me with suggestions for ways for me to be punished. Most were interesting and helpful.

Thanks.

The time has come. By 9.00 AM this morning, I must message Him with what I will do to make it up to Him and how I suggest He punish me for disobeying Him. He really is inside my head. And it's a wonderful feeling!

9/27/2012 7:56:21 AM

Fate?

The last few weeks have been quite amazing. So much has changed. I've changed so much. And it is all because I stumbled across a man who could see me for who I really am and who I really want to be. And a man who is able to take me, effortlessly down the path into the darkness I had only ever fantasized about.

But what if I hadn't decided to go on that chat line that night, or He hadn't?

What if I hadn't felt something in his voice that drew me to message Him?

And what if I hadn't appealed to Him? My voice. My words. My tone. My attitude?

And what if He had found another woman who appealed to Him more than me?

I had never really believed in fate; really saw it as just something to be used in fluffy romantic comedies. Everything I've got I've worked hard for. Taken risks. Taken responsibility. Taken charge. I was/am a very dominant personality in every aspect of my life. And I am successful. But -

Underneath it all there were always the fantasies, the thoughts, the desires - Which I am now getting the chance to explore in real life with Him. Fate? Maybe it was.

I had another amazing night with Him. He really knows how to play with my mind. I took my punishment for disobeying Him, and being punished itself was so incredibly fulfilling. Because I knew I deserved it. And the way He did it was just -----

And then He took me further down the path, I did things and had things done to me that I would never had dreamt of doing in the real world just a few a weeks ago.

And yet, I am still to prove myself to Him, to prove that I mean what I say. No doubt that is part of the way He plays with my mind, leaving me wondering, worrying, desperate. This is beyond anything I could have imagined.

And this (site), after an unhappy start has given me the chance to learn and be guided and supported by some very smart and interesting people. Thank you.

But I know I have a long way to go to be what He wants me to be, what I want to be. Perhaps it really is all just fate ---

9/30/2012 8:22:52 PM

There are emotions and feelings and consequences involved with all this that I didn't anticipate and don't like.

10/1/2012 10:21:52 AM

I am learning that unlike the other aspects of my life, when I am pursuing my submissive and other strange needs and desires, I have little control over what will happen next. Where the path will take me. Perhaps it's just the 'Fate' thing again, but I am learning to just follow the path where ever it takes me - And to just relax and enjoy the journey.

10/3/2012 10:33:05 AM

How much everything has changed over the past month. Every day now is one of expectation and nervous excitement, wondering what path into the Darkness this day will bring. How different everything is from my life before I met Sir. And before He helped me, no, pushed me to pursue things I never would have even tried, let alone loved.

MY MASTER WILL AUCTION MY SERVICES TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER. I WILL BELONG TO THE HIGH BIDDER FOR TWO DAYS, OH MY!!!

10/4/2012 11:34:47 AM

Thank You to all those who have messaged me to discuss making a bid on me.

Sir has already received a number of bids, but the bidding doesn't actually start until Midnight Friday night. Sir will not tell me how many bids have been received or what they are, yet.

I will post the highest bid received so far at Midnight Friday night in my Journal.

Bidding is open until Midnight Saturday night.

Thank You

10/5/2012 7:51:45 PM

The highest bid for me is currently $250. i know. WOW. i don't know who You are; Sir will not tell me yet. But Thank You!

Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at his address (ADDRESS REMOVED TO PROTECT).

10/5/2012 8:05 PM

The highest bid for me is currently $300. Thank You!

Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/5/2012 8:06:07 PM

The highest bid for me is currently $305. Thank You! Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/5/2012 9:04:34 PM

The highest bid for me is currently $350. Thank You! Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/5/2012 9:33:06 PM

The highest bid for me is currently $500. Thank You! Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 12:04:20 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $570. Thank You! Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 12:11:53 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $600. Thank You! Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 1:35:16 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $900. Thank You SO MUCH

Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 2:36:49 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1050. Thank You SO MUCH

Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 2:42:40 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1150. Thank You SO MUCH

Just a reminder to those thinking of bidding on me, bids are to be sent to Sir at His address.

Thank You

10/6/2012 5:28:43 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1180. Thank You VERY MUCH

10/6/2012 5:41:45 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1200. THANK YOU.

Sir has instructed me to post this here: Do those who have bid on me or may bid on me have any objection to having their User Name posted when the winner of the bidding is announced? This would be done for the purpose of legitimacy for those who did not win the bid. It would stop any questioning of the legitimacy of the auction, particularly if i am offered for auction again sometime in the future. Could those involved please message me with Your response: Thank You

10/6/2012 7:39:06 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1295. THANK YOU

10/6/2012 8:23:05 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1300. THANK YOU

10/6/2012 9:49:53 AM

The highest bid for me is currently $1445.45. THANK YOU - SO MUCH!!!

But I say the 45 cents doesn't count

10/6/2012 10:39:18 AM

SOLD!

i have been sold to (buyer's name)for $1445.45

Sir has said He'll take the 45 cents too

Thank You SO MUCH Sir.

10/8/12 3:11 PM

UPDATE - MAY BE OF INTEREST TO SUBMISSIVE WOMEN

i received this message earlier today (apparently in reaction to my being auctioned):

What a load of bullshit. You are a bloody moron and what is so wrong about the BDSM scene. Idiots like you and your moronic so-called master give the real D\s lifestyle a bad name.

Now, i have received a lot of really abusive messages because of the auction, but that's the best. i have responded to each of them with deference and respect. Being abused is part of the whole 'Being Sold' thing, after all, the whole mindset, the whole dynamic. i wanted it that way. i know, i'm a very bad girl.

But this man??? from a local place has decided that he is the great arbiter of what is acceptable in the world of D/s and BDSM and he chose to call my Master names, like an insecure school boy who never gets the girl. That is a Hard Limit for me.

Now, i responded politely to him explaining that in my view, we all have different fantasies and fetishes and kinks, etc. He replied to that with: WHAT A FUCK WIT!

He's quite the word smith and so smoooooooooooooooooth. (giggles)

Now, i am not preaching to anyone. We all decide for ourselves what we want to do and be. but i thought it might be useful to know how this man??? Thinks, particularly for submissive women in my position.

It also shows what happens to a man when he breaks his penis pump and hasn't got time to get a new one :-)

Enjoy yourselves, whatever it is that does it for you.

10/8/2012 7:04:54 PM

A LESSON IN HUMILITY FOR ME:

One thing among many i have learned during my little auction experience is that there are a lot more really nice guys on here than i had realized. Master made me take the time to talk to whoever messaged me and in doing so i learned that most guys on here are actually really nice, when you take the time to get to know them a little.

EXCHANGE OF CONTRACTS:

The closing of thee 'sale' of me to Sir will take place next Tuesday night. I will experience seven sleeps before the sale; OR perhaps seven sleepless nights.

10/12/2012 7:52:22 AM

i'm in BIG trouble!

i finally found some time to go through my 'INBOX' and send 'FRIEND REQUESTS' to the people i like. But the web server got cranky and sent me a message saying I've 'BUMPED UP' against some maximum message/friend request thingy, and now i'm TEMPORARILY blocked from sending messages

Even the web server thinks i'm a bad girl!!

Does anyone know how long i have to sit in the naughty corner for... Not that i usually mind corner time

10/13/2012 2:06:45 AM

Taking two days off work for my 'sale' next week: one day to prepare and one day to recover.

Booked in for a Full Service: Facial -- Waxing -- Hair -- Nails. Some shopping at specialty shops for some things my Buyer has told me to bring with me and then a Massage. Mmmmmmmm

Oh my... Only three more sleeps until...............!!!!

10/15/2012 9:36:31 AM

THE TIME HAS CUM!

This time tomorrow night, if i pass His inspection, i will be the bought and paid for property of Sir J. Oh dear... Just those words....

'Bought and paid for property...' Sigh...

xxx

( Thank You Sir. That's better now... i had no pink :-( ... Your k :-)

10/18/2012 5:46:57 AM

WOW!!!

Not the most eloquent and intelligent way to express what i experienced with Sir J Tuesday night and Wednesday and the time on either side of that experience. But i really can't put into words what it was like for me. Thank You Sir J for an experience i will never forget.

And to You, my Master, the most amazing man i have ever met. You have literally changed my life. My only regret is that You didn't find me ten years ago. The way You make it seem that my needs and desires come last, that they really don't mean anything to You at all, that Your needs are all that matter and nothing else, that my place is simply to do as i am told. i know now that no matter how hard and confusing it is for me at times, in the end, everything You put me through, everything You have done with me and to me has been FOR ME.

i have no way to repay You or thank You for everything You have done for me. i simply can't express my feelings for You in words.

Your slave

XXX

PS: i am ready to be used again when You are ready to use me, Sir.

MASTER WANTS ME TO EXPERIENCE BEING A DOMINANT!!!

10/30/2012 6:40:01 AM

I have been undergoing some intensive training to prepare me for my upcoming experiences as a Dominant, and I must confess, it is so much different than I had expected. I am really getting into it. I will always be a submissive, at heart, but I understand now that I need these experiences to truly appreciate my own submissive needs and what it is like to be the one holding the whip and giving the instructions.

I seem to be a quick learner. This is going to be a very enjoyable time.

11/2/2012 6:21:57 PM

TONIGHT 'S THE NIGHT, IT'S GUNNA BE ALRIGHT.... :-(

Tonight i will have my first experience as a Dominant, with a woman Sir has arranged for me to have for the night. But this is so much harder than i ever thought it would be. As a submissive, i just do as i am told. But now, i have to think about things, so many things to think about.

It has already given me a whole new understanding of submission and an insight into the skills of a naturally Dominant person. And nothing's happened yet! Some of my friends have Helped me with their advice, Thank You!

But once again Sir has put me into a place outside my comfort zone so i can learn and experience and grow as a submissive woman.

Thank You Sir

Okay... i can do this...

11/7/2012 6:45:58 AM

i have now had two experiences as a Dominant: One with a woman last Saturday night that Sir arranged and one with a submissive man i found myself here.

There is simply too much that happened and that i experienced to write about here. My Diary is the place to remember these experiences and the next step Sir has planned for me, which follows on from what i have just done. While I am a little frightened and apprehensive, this is something i cannot wait to experience.

Saturday night will be another step down the path Sir has laid out for me and with each experience my submission becomes deeper, more intense and more important to me and who i am now.

11/16/2012 6:42:11 PM

A RAFFLE?

i have been such a good girl lately, or such a bad girl lately, depending on how you judge these things, that Sir has offered to reward me in any way i choose, if i please Him with the

next experience He is putting me through.

Having experienced such an amazing time with the auction, living out a lifelong fantasy, i want to experience something similar, but different: so a Raffle it is.

Sir will decide how it will be run and put it on his profile.

All i have to do now is please Him with what He has planned for me next. i do so love humiliation, in certain contexts and in certain ways, but what i have to do now is, for me, the ultimate act of humiliation. i am dreading it and yet i can't stop thinking about it. Sir knows me better than i know myself. He knows which buttons to push to turn me into... a bad girl? No, that really doesn't go far enough. But if i can do this, i will be second prize in a Raffle - First prize is a $20 Gift Certificate. That store does have a large rope section.

12/13/2012 3:23:34 PM

TWO OF HEARTS: A Couple has won the raffle.

A couple!

The best of both worlds

I AM THIRTY POUNDS OVERWEIGHT

I am a lucky girl. A really nice couple won me in the raffle. While chatting with them they advised me that for my height and weight, I should weigh no more than one hundred thirty-two pounds. One hundred twenty-five pounds would be ideal and the raffle winners instructed me to put this up on my journal so everyone knows that I AM at least thirty pounds overweight and I should do something about it.

Thank You Miss and Sir.

TIME TO REFLECT.

I do not believe in fate or anything spiritual. I'm a data and numbers girl, I believe in probability. SO! What were the chances that the persons who won me in our li'l raffle would be someone I know?

The odds are beyond even considering.

Such a small % of people are into this lifestyle.

And an even smaller % of THOSE people are here.

And an even smaller % of THOSE people who are here were in my li'l Raffle.

And yet, I know Her and have met Her husband. What are the chances of that? They must be as likely as tossing a coin 100 times and it landing Heads 100 times. Things like that just don't happen!

I have been given time to reflect on whether to proceed with the outcome of the raffle because I know the winners. How humiliating to have to serve people I know in my vanilla life and don't care for. However, if I choose not to fulfill my obligations to the winners, my Master, who I need so much, will cut me loose.

If I do go through with it, it will mean submitting to and serving people I know and dislike immensely. They know that, so I am not making anything harder for myself by saying it here. They do not like me either. It has been that way for a long time.

I have a few days left to decide what to do... And I just don't know.