Please sit, Dear Reader, and let me tell you my story. It may seem ordinary and humble to me, but in your country and perhaps in your era (should my words survive), the lives of women may be different. In this record, I wish to serve as an example of how things should --and shouldn't-- be.
I am not an artful writer, so grant me indulgence and I will tell my tale frankly. The year is 1929. The place is the USSR --the Union of Soviet Science and Research. Already, thanks to the rapid advance of electro-magnetic technologies, we have mechanized our nation and improved our farming. Grain shortages have been averted. Our Electro-Zeppelin farms prowl the sky trapping lightning. And most importantly, our population is growing. I am a proud part of the population management goals laid out in our great First Five Year Plan.
You see, I am a "Factory girl": a woman bred to breed, to perpetuate the Motherland through her labour. But, I am only a young Factory girl. Though physically mature and of age, I am new to the Factory floor. I was raised in the State Nursery, so like all the other girls, I had no idea that my career would be to labour with my body in the Factory. I had rather hoped to be given the position of switchboard operator on Work Allocations Day. But of all my high test scores, the ones they counted most were my physicals, which showed me to be especially fit and fertile. When I protested, they just repeated the Allocations motto:
"All Work Equally and All Work is Equal."
So, to the Factory I went. They have been trying their best to train me on the job here. I am ashamed to admit that I was resistant to the service at first. True, I was bred to be docile to men and the fertilization machines they use on me. But some stray inheritance or outmoded morality passed on to me by teachers or schoolmates made me stubbornly uncooperative in my conduct, in my ideology, in my lack of comradely behaviour, and most of all in my refusal to be penetrated.
I have been a bad girl. But no more. This is the story of how I put aside my personal revolt and learned to embrace the Revolution.
*
It was a cold day in February the day my conversion began. My Factory Director, whom we girls called the "Owner," had brought me to see the Doctor in our region. Her name was Doctor Pavlova. I recall her so vividly: a tall, dark-haired, commanding woman, pristine in her white coat, deft and skilful with her white-gloved hands. I had never seen a woman Doctor, and I am sure I stared at her unabashedly. How did she managed to get such a lofty position, when professions were almost always allocated to men? Or rather, who did she know, what powerful Party connections did she have, to be granted the favour of a change in her allocation?
I was standing lost in wonderment in her office when my Owner took my arm and jolted me back to reality. He pushed me roughly towards a side door, then turned back to talk to the Doctor. I realized that I was to be taken away without even being told why I was there or what the procedure would be.
'Unfair,' I thought. 'This is unfair.'
I made an unhappy noise in my throat, shoved back against his hand as much as I could, and kicked my heels against the floor as I walked, trying to get their attention enough demand to know what was happening to me. But my little disturbance was completely ignored as they both continued to look over my registration papers. Not knowing what else to do, I went through the sickly-green wooden door I had been pushed towards. Right away I was met by a nurse, a rail-thin blonde woman in starched whites. She took me to a little side closet and demanded that I take off all of my clothes except for my underlinens.
"Yes, Miss," I said, "I certainly will. Only, could you leave or turn around or just, just give me some privacy to undress? I'm...ill at ease, being watched."
The nurse's lips twitched.
"Ill or not, I've been ordered to watch you." She said. "And a word to the wise: watch your language, Comrade. You of all people shouldn't be concerned with a bourgeois concept like 'privacy.' Everyone knows what you do in the Factory."
My blood rose. My eyes fell. My hands shook with shame and anger as I slowly reached up to the buttons of my blouse. I undid them one by one, trying to be quick, yet afraid of the exposure. You see, under my regulation shift, I'd added some extra wrappings to hold my breasts down. I'm not as full-breasted as some of the other Factory girls, but I'm big enough and I've always preferred to look smaller. Besides which, the binding makes me feel good. It makes me feel secure. They wanted to take all that away from me. So while I stripped off my shift, I left on the bindings and crossed my arms over my breasts, half in resistance, half in the hope of passing unnoticed.
The air was so cold on my exposed arms that it raised gooseflesh on my skin. I tried to ignore it. I kept one arm tightly over my bound breasts and used the other to hook a finger in the back of my skirt, undo the catch, and slide it down, leaving me in my knickers. To my utter humiliation, I could see the skin along my sides and belly was all prickly and aroused. I could barely tell whether I was hot or cold. I was blushing, and yet my skin felt electrified, visibly so. The Nurse nodded in approval, muttering to herself. I caught the words "built for it." I thought I caught an older word, a Prohibited word, but she couldn't have said it. She couldn't have called me "slut." Still, I glared at her and crossed my arms harder over my breasts.
"I'm ready," I said, purposely omitting the "Miss" this time.
"Not til you take off those rags around your breasts. Knickers only, that's what she's ordered."
The look in her eye was steely, but then again so was my resolve. I didn't move. I faced her down until she actually grabbed my arms, forced them open, and started to strip me herself, tearing the linens I'd so carefully hoarded.
"No, don't rip them!" I yelped.
"Well then, you do it." She replied testily.
I had to back down and submit to doing it myself. Flushing with humiliation under her sharp gaze, I unpinned and unwound the wrappings. My freshly-bared nipples were hard and pointed --a reaction, I told myself, to the cold tile under my feet, the cold air on my skin. The Nurse smirked as she tossed me a blue cloth hospital robe with ties in the back. I was in it in a flash, tying the strings behind me in awkward bows. The Nurse looked me up and down. Finally she said,
"Go in. The Doctor will see you now."
I entered the room carefully, though all the caution in the world couldn't stop the blue robe from opening in the back. I glanced to my Owner, and he gestured for me to stand before a mirrored wall. Doctor Pavlova sat at her desk behind me, checking my charts in reverse-image. After a few moments she spoke to me absently, without even looking up.
"Hmm. Interesting. Natalya, do you know what your Owner says about you? What they say about you at the Factory? They say you aren't taking to your training or doing your work. You don't like it. Whatever could be wrong with you?"
I frowned to be called 'wrong,' and insisted with quiet defiance,
"Nothing is wrong with me."
"Nothing? Come now, that can't be true if you're not working. Speak plainly with your Doctor."
"Well, I just don't want it."
"Don't 'want it'?"
"I mean, I can't. I can't do...what they want."
I could see my clasped hands beginning to tremble against the too-thin robe in the mirror.
"And why not?"
"Because--" as I confessed my shame rose to envelop me like a hot tide. I shook my head, cheeks burning to admit, "Because it hurts me."
Doctor Pavlova, far from being appeased with my confession, seemed annoyed. She stood up and walked over, looking straight at me for the first time. She said,
"You will have to give more detail than that. What hurts, precisely?"
"It hurts when they...when I'm penetrated vaginally. When my Owner does it himself, and when they use the fertilization machine on me." I shivered, recalling the particularly large chrome shaft used to 'train' uncooperative workers. "And then, I can't help it, I scream and pull back, I fight, I won't let them inside me."
"Well, well. That is a problem. There must be something very wrong with you."
I shook my head again, then stared straight ahead with determination. The thoughts flashed in my mind like the title cards in the Kino-Pravda films:
'I am right.' 'I know I'm right.' 'The system is wrong.'
But when the Doctor laid her firm hand on my shoulder, I wavered. She said to me,
"You are a worker who refuses to work. There is clearly a problem here. Now, the question is this: is the problem in your mind--" she stroked down my shoulder to my breast "--or in your body?"
I couldn't answer. I was overcome with emotion, with sensation. Doctor Pavlova smiled.
"We will just have to run some tests to find out. Take off the robe."
"Yes, Doctor," I whispered.