A Different Decision

Finally, the hug ended. She was secretly amazed that he'd actually shown up. It had been months. Months of "yeah, sure, I'll try" or worse, "no can do, babe". She often wondered which was the more honest.

"You feel so good. I have missed you," She said. He reached back out for her and folded her into his body.

"I've missed you, too. I hope you don't doubt that."

"It is hard to not doubt. But I don't want to talk about that. What did you bring? Oh, don't pretend. I've seen the plastic bag behind your back. Give it up." She was so excited.

They had been planning to explore BDSM a bit. He'd been making some leather restrains for her, well, for them. She'd been trying to be patient about this work. She'd been pretty good about not bugging him about it.

"First things first." He held out his hand.

She was genuinely puzzled. "What?"

"You got my text didn't you? Last night. Setting this all up. I know you did because you replied."

Yeah, there had been a text exchange. I'd like to come over tomorrow evening 6:30. Have a story ready.

I'll believe it when I see you. Door will be unlocked.

"Where is my story, little one?"

"I thought you were kidding or that I was just supposed to tell you funny things like usual. I haven't written anything in months. You know that."

"This one time, I'll give you a second chance. I want you to write a story. I love your writing and I'm sad that you haven't been writing."

"I haven't had much fucking inspiration, now have I?"

"No, you haven't. But that is also just an excuse on your part. I love all your stories. Your erotic stories and your funny stories. Write me a story. I'll be back in 30-45 minutes. Please. This is important to me. I want you to do this."

"You're just using this stupid story crap as an excuse. What, did the "wife" call when you were driving over and remind you that your balls are still in her purse. You have no intention of coming back and you know it." She was angry and hurt. He was too lame to even be honest about leaving. He was just using her writing as an excuse.

"No. I'll be back but I will leave again if you haven't written something - anything. Just write for me. Be angry. Just be creative. Write me a story." He was quite for a while. "I've asked you not to call my girlfriend "wife". Please respect that."

"Oh fuck you."

He stood there for a moment. "Are you going to write something? I will be back."

"Go." She stormed off into the dining room where her laptop lived. He heard the Window's start up chimes and he quietly closed the door.

37 minutes later, he walked back into her house. The door was still unlocked. He was pleased to hear the clacking of typing coming from the other room.

"Hello," he called out. The typing paused. "Do not hit that delete button, please. I'm begging."

She walked into the living room. "You came back." She wanted to hit him and cry on him. "You actually came back."

He went to her and held her. Her knees gave out and they went to the floor as they embraced. "Of course, I came back. I told you I would." He realized that over the months, and even years that they'd known each other, he'd said similar things 'I'll be back' or 'I'll stop by' and he hadn't been able to.

"I'm here now. I'm here with you." He held her. He was somewhat surprised that she didn't cry, but she was clinging to him. It was several moments before they spoke.

"How did you know that I was about to hit the delete key?"

"I know you, little one. You go shower while I read."

She started to say something but he shushed her. "It doesn't matter what you wrote. It only matters that you wrote for me. Go. I'll be in later."

She stood in the shower waiting to hear the front door slam. She'd been so angry that hate had poured out of her. Hate and contempt. He'd never speak to her again. She was ready for that - in a small way, he'd earned her hate. She felt oddly empty as she stood there. The hate was ebbing.

He made only the smallest noise as he stood there with a fresh towel waiting. She quickly turned the water off.

"You're still here."

He embraced her with the towel and patted her body dry. "Yes, little one, I'm still here."

He led her to her bed and sat her down. The first thing he did was to put the newly made ball gag in her mouth.

"Yes, little one, it is time for you to say nothing. You will listen while I love you."

She realized that she'd never been more afraid of him - physically, sexually, and emotionally.

"I am drawn to you. It is cliched to say 'I can't quit you' but it is true. I've tried. To stop loving you, I mean." He guided her to lie on her stomach in the center of her bed. He gently stroked her back with just the tips of his fingers. He pulled a very long, thick, soft nylon rope out of his duffel bag. He also pulled the leather wrist and ankle restraints out of the same bag. He placed these items on the bed beside her where she could see them.

"I cannot stop loving you. I've stopped trying to stop. Silly as that sounds. I will not stop loving you. You may make a different decision, but I know my own heart."

She could not plug her heart to his words. She struggled to not believe them. She quoted parts of her story to her self. It did no good. His words and the caresses of his hands confused her. She turned her head away from the BDSM gear that he'd made for her.

"I feel your anger as it courses through your body even now as that same lovely body responds to my touch." He surprised her when he grabbed her right hand and brought it behind her back. He strapped on the new wrist restraint even before she had a chance to fight him. He then tied the nylon rope onto the D-Ring.

He made a grab for her other wrist, but she had moved her arm under her body.

"You plan on struggling, little one? That excites me but I'm also afraid that you'll miss some of what I tell you. We shall see."

She didn't want to feel the arousal. She didn't want to need him. She didn't want to love him. They struggled until he finally had her left arm behind her back and the second wrist restraint in place. He didn't thread the nylon rope through this D-ring.

He used the long length of nylon rope to stroke her skin. He watched as her body reacted to the caress of the rope on her neck behind her ears, also along her shoulders and across the top of her back between her shoulder blades. He could feel her desire. She tried not to writhe and she stifled her moans, almost.

"You know that I love my girlfriend. You know that I love her differently than I love you. I keep you both in separate places in my heart and in my mind. Talking about her when I'm with you is a very strange experience for me. It both accentuates and minimizes the chasm between you both in me. There are good things that I share with her. Just as there are bad things that I have to endure with her. I will not end my relationship with her unless she demands that I negate my own nature. To end my relationship with you would be to negate my nature - so I will not do that. Again, you may make a different choice."

He had not stopped stroking her skin with his hand and with the nylon rope. Every nerve in her body was fully charged and tingling. Still she tried to remain perfectly still - pretending (if only to herself) that she felt nothing.

"Rise to all fours, little one." This was his first command other than to write that he'd given all evening. It didn't even cross her mind to disobey, until after she was already on all fours in the middle of her bed.

He pulled another long length of nylon rope out of his duffel. This rope was thinner in diameter. He cupped her left breast and placed the rope under her breast. He slowly began to bind her. He used a figure-8 pattern to bring her breasts together. 6 wraps to each breast. They would start to turn a deep purple very soon. He helped her to lie on her back. The rope kept her breasts at attention. At his full attention. He pinched her nipples. Hard. Finally she could no longer hold her moan within her. She arched her back and her eyes fluttered shut as the first orgasm shook her.

He quickly looped the thick nylon rope through the second D-ring and tied her hands to the headboard above her head. He knew that this would also add tension to her breasts. He pinched and twisted for some time as she rocked within her orgasms.

"You fight against this desire that we bring out in each other. You know that it is real and that it is powerful and that it scares you. You are drawn to me. We fill a need within that no one else can. For how much time? We can never know that. It would diminish it to have an answer to that."

He was stroking her breasts with his finger nails. Just gently scratching her sensitive breasts. He would scratch over her nipple and she would jump. He would circle his finger nail just above the last wrap of rope and she would arch towards him. Her heavy breathing sounded strange as it came through her nose but also around the ball gag.

"You are correct about my sometimes choosing not to spend time with you when I could."

She froze.

"I crave time for myself, little one. I have not been alone, utterly alone, in years. Even to look around my house and know that I'm surrounded by other is an oppressive weight that I sometimes think will crush me. Time away from you and time away from my girlfriend is still not time alone. It is only time apart. In my room. In my workshop. In my truck, usually. On my bike. These are stolen moments when I'm apart, but almost never alone. The sounds of my own thoughts get lost in the pressure of others."

He could feel her wanting to ask something and he even knew what her question was.

"Yes, little one. Even you are a pressure sometimes. You try to not be - but I make a pressure in your shape. It is hard to say this the right way. I feel you and I want you as I want to be alone and that creates a pressure."

She pulled the nylon rope out of the slip knot he'd tied. He'd not been diligent about keeping the end of the rope out of her reach. He could feel her building up the breath to scream "then just leave".

He grabbed her before she could jump off the bed.

"This is my truth, little one, and I must share it. React later. Hear me, now."

She didn't want to. She really didn't want to. But he was right. He had read every thing she'd just written - all of her occasional-hate and frequent-disappointment consolidated into a page or two. She would listen. She would hear. She indicated that she wanted the ball gag removed and the restraints taken off. Implying that she'd listen but not as his slave.

"No, little one. I love you but you'll interrupt me. You'll have your say without hearing me. I love you, but you know that I'm right about this."

All she could do was nod her head and laugh behind the ball gag. It was exactly true. She laid back down in exactly the same spot and held her hands above her head while he retied her.

He put the ankle restraints on her and tied her, spread-eagle on the bed. He used his finger tips to gently caress her breasts and her abdomen. He bent his head to her nipples and sucked on them hard. He cupped her pussy in his right hand and felt her pooling moisture on his palm.

"I've made you no promises and you've asked for none. I love you and I give what I can. Things are in constant change with my girlfriend, you know that. I don't know what it means or what may happen. My love for you does not change, but I don't know what it means or what may happen. You may make a different decision."

He rubbed her clit with fingers that were covered in her natural lubricant. Just before she climaxed, he stopped. He waited for her breathing to calm.

"Now, you may speak, little one." He reached behind her head and removed the ball gag.