I have this fantasy...
I took another look up at the clock and winced.
Oh lovely, I'd now been pacing the floor for over two hours. When I looked down I was actually a little surprised to see that I hadn't yet worn a path into the carpet.
At least, not yet. I still had over an hour to wait.
I'd been up disgustingly early. At least for me, an avowed night owl.
It had not been a night for blissful sleep.
For the same reason, forget about even trying to force any breakfast down.
So I just took a nice long bath and filled the air with the scent of vanilla.
And for once I didn't light any candles. The way I was jittering about, I'd smack one flying and start the damn place on fire.
I did all those little things that a girl has gotta do, the shaving and soaping with sweet, softening sensual scents.
Then bounced out of the the tub and roughly wrapped my waist length mass of unruly hair carelessly in a towel.
Slathered on some body lotion to keep up with the baby soft skin thing, and considered undertaking the hellacious act of adding a little curl to my normally stick straight hair.
Took me about six seconds to decide that there was no way I had the patience for that challenge today.
Just gonna stick with the everyday straight, heavy waterfall of dark blonde streaked hair.
What the hell, a waist length ponytail of soft, smooth hair carries its own definate appeal.
I was done with all of that by 11 am.
At which point I brewed a pot of coffee, and drank about twelve cups of the very strong brew over the next half dozen hours.
That was a tactical error I snarled to myself, running to the bathroom yet again since I'd started my pacing.
Besides the simple fast of being water logged, I was bouncing off the bloody walls!
"Oh this is great." I moaned. "Hyper active submissive behaving like a eight year old the day after Halloween. Good one you fricking nitwit!"
"You don't even need any one against you!" I snarled. "You've perfect aim to shoot your own damn self!"
I wondered if things could possibly get worse. In retrospect that was a really stupid question to ask myself in the state I was already in.
Because of course I started thinking about how much worse things might get. And nearly had to tie myself up to keep from literally bolting from the apartment.
I mean I couldn't hide forever now could I?
And I was already in trouble.
Oh stop laughing. Yeah, yeah, anybody who vaguely knows me gets that I seem to have a talent for finding myself in trouble.
My momma tells me I was born with it.
And that I just get better at it every year.
It was my talent for getting myself in hot water that had me pacing my apartment and telling myself over and over, girl, don't even think about running!
That's another thing I tend to do. Anything that makes me feel insecure or unsure, my inclination is to run rather then deal with the situation.
I am not big on confrontation.
Oh, if you back me into a corner I'll spit, hiss and erupt like a fiery little wildcat.
The problem is keeping me contained long enough to get me to fight for what I want.
I'm learning to though.