Most of what follows is true. I've changed the names to protect the real 'Gary' and 'Jessica'.
L.J.
"Hi Gaz, how's tricks" Archie's voice boomed out as he approached across the saloon bar of the Rising Sun.
"Not so bad. I got one in for you." Gary indicated a pint of Boddingtons waiting on the table ready.
"Good man. I'm surprised that new girlfriend of yours has let you out." Archie sat down and took a long pull at his pint. "You seem to be spending all your time with her, completely ignoring your old muckers."
"Hey, lay off my bird. Anyway, she's off with her mum shopping. They've gone into Manchester, you know, that Trafford Centre."
"What's she shopping for, wedding dresses or a ball and chain, maybe?" Archie laughed. He wasn't the sort to let his mate off the hook that easily, indeed, their joshing was all part of the ritual; a mutual piss take that communicated their deep friendship ever since they had met at college. Gary was now working in I.T. whilst Archie was a ranger or some such for the council. Even when Gary had met Jessica and fallen head over heels in love they still kept their Friday evening drink together as part of their lives; their way of touching base.
"You'll never guess what happened to me last night." Archie started after a good half of his pint had disappeared. "I was up on Barton Fell, you know the place."
Gary did indeed know Barton Fell; half nature reserve, half leisure amenity its deciduous woods covered several square miles of rugged countryside. On Sundays the car parks were full but mid week it was the perfect place for a quiet walk. He and Jessica liked to take a spin out from time to time and watch the sunsets; well, that was their excuse, anyway.
"So, I'm working on this new hide out by the tarn near where the grebes are hatching and yesterday I only went and left my binoculars there." Archie continued. "I nearly left them be but I'd promised the nipper we go star gazing and they're just the thing for a youngster to use so, there I was, well gone nine at night, heading through the woods towards the tarn. I was a bit rushed so I cut across country, worked my way up Pismire beck and right in the thick of it I suddenly hear voices. More than that, it's a woman's voice and she's calling out 'Stop, stop, please stop!'"
Archie took another long sup of his ale.
"Well," he went on. "I'm not going to leave a damsel in distress, am I? On the other hand, if I go blundering in then the blighter who's doing this will run off and they'll never catch him. So I go slow, softly, softly, like."
Gary smiled at the thought of Archie going softly softly but, having been out on a badger watch with him he knew that the big man could move very quietly when he needed to.
"I creep up on them and there, in a bit of a clearing I can see this woman, completely starkers, hanging from a tree... no, not like that, you berk, hanging by her wrists, like." Archie held his arms over his head to demonstrate. "He had a bit of rope over a branch and he'd tied one end off to some leather cuffs around her wrists. She's not off the ground or anything but she's pretty helpless. He's holding a riding crop and laying into her like there's no tomorrow. Then he lays off for a while and he's right in there, groping her cunt and giving her tits a good old feel. I thought I'd got me a right pervert so I put on my best park ranger voice and I'm in there."
"Stop that! Stop that at once!" Archie mimicked himself, trying to sound as official as possible. "Before he knows what's hit him I have him over and on the ground with his wrist up behind his back in a half nelson. I was pretty pleased with myself, to tell the truth.
"So?" Gary was intrigued. "Did you call the cops?"
"Nah, I'm busy giving this guy a little talk about how he should treat women when she chimes in, tells me off for hurting him! She's still hanging by her wrists but now she's giving it lots of 'Stop it, leave him alone, you big bully. Get off him, you're hurting him.'" This time Archie mimicked a woman's voice. "There I was thinking I'm rescuing some poor bint from a fate worse than death whereas it turns out they're husband and wife enjoying a bit of hankie-pankie. I let him up and turn my back while he unties her and she puts on a bit of clothing and then it's all embarrassment, sorry, won't do it again, sort of thing. I'm still playing the stern park ranger but inside... hah, it was all I could do to keep from pissing myself with laughter.
"So what did you do?" Gary asked.
"Nothing, what was I going to do? It's not really a police matter, it was just a bit of fun, no one was hurt, well, not more than they wanted to be. Silly thing is they'd have been fine if only they'd have gone over the other side. There are plenty of spots over by Blay Tarn where they would have been perfectly safe. OK, so it's a bit of a trek from the car park but that's the point, isn't it? Now, your glass is empty, ready for round two."
Without waiting for an answer Archie got up and went to the bar. Two more pints of Bods were on their way.
*****
After the second pint Gary made his excuses and left. Jessica was due over by nine thirty and he wanted to be home ready and waiting. He was fast learning that it did no harm to do a quick tidy up to his bachelor pad before she arrived. He'd never felt like this before about any woman, she was special, very special, and if she liked the place spick and span then he was glad to oblige. Secretly he admitted to himself that she was right; he had become a bit of a slob in his bachelor years and he was glad that she was looking after him, making him live up to what he knew he ought to be.
In particular he changed the bedding. Jess, lovely sweet, adorable Jess, made it quite clear that her favourite thing was getting into a bed with freshly washed bedlinen and, given what happened once she was there, he was more than glad to oblige. She was a tigress between the sheets and Gary smiled to himself in anticipation as he smoothed down the covers and squared away the duvet. Archie might take the piss but this one was different, this one was special and, if she was checking out wedding dresses, well, he hadn't proposed yet but they both knew it was only a matter of time. He had never felt so blissfully happy.
At nine thirty he heard her car pull up outside and his heart leapt. He rushed to the door to let her in and she was still in the hallway when they were in their first clinch. He'd put aside a sloppy movie for them to watch but, somehow, they never got round to it but rather they put his pristine bedding to good use again, and again, and again. Finally satisfied, for a while anyway, they snuggled down together under the covers.
As they chatted Jess told Gary all about the shopping trip and, no, wedding dresses weren't involved, this time at least. That done Gary told Jess about Archie and what he had come across in the woods.
"God! What a hoot!" Jess laughed as Gary got to the punch line. "Imagine how embarrassed that poor girl was. Mind you, that could be part of the turn on."
"What do you mean?" Gary asked.
"Well, that's the point of doing it outside isn't it? She's dangling there stark naked, unable to run and hide if anyone comes; half the thrill must be the risk of discovery. It must be a different thing when it actually happens though. Not that you'd ever catch me like that. You on the other hand..."
"What do you mean?" Gary asked carefully. The atmosphere was still light and jokey but there was something else, some other undercurrent going on.
"I mean, my messy friend," Jess tweaked his nose playfully, "you're not going to get me tied up like that but I can imagine having you hanging naked from a tree. Maybe a good smacking might teach you not to leave your boxers in the middle of the bathroom floor - again." Jess was half joking, half serious. "And something, maybe it's that wistful look in your eye, tells me that you wouldn't be completely averse. Is that what you want?" Jess rolled on top of him and knelt up straddling him, pinning his shoulders to the bed with his arms.
"Please, please, Mistress, please have mercy on your humble slave." Gary said in a jokey voice.
"Oh, you'll have to beg much harder than that!" Jess joked back and she bent forward and kissed him, a kiss that went on and on as, once again, they discovered just how much pleasure could come from the physical side of their relationship. And with that the subject was closed but both knew it was far from over.
*******
It was Saturday morning maybe a week or so later and Gary and Jess were, once again, cuddled up in bed together.
"Gaz, honey." Jess started. "Do you remember what you were saying, you know, the other night when you told me that story about Archie finding the couple in the woods."
"Umm..." replied Gary.
"Well that got me thinking and I've done some shopping..." She rolled over and reached out to her hand bag which was on a chair beside the bed. When she rolled back she was holding a pair of wrist cuffs. "Why don't we see how these fit for size?"
"Where did you get those?" Gary was amazed. This was far beyond simple handcuffs.
"Anne Summers." Jess replied simply. "After seeing you so excited about Archie's little story I thought I'd do us both a favour. Now put your wrists out, there's a good little boy."
Gary didn't hesitate to do as he was told and Jess positioned the cuffs around his wrists. They were fastened by buckles and, simply held in front of him, he would have no problems undoing them himself. However, Jess had been ready for this. She reached back for her handbag.
"Hands above your head, that's the way." She produced a short length of chain and two padlocks. In no time the cuffs were attached to the headboard and now there was no way he could twist his wrists and reach the buckles. She lay back down next to him.
"Does that turn you on?" She asked sweetly. "Judging by the state of this..." She gently teased her finger tips along his rigid penis. "...I'd say you're just loving every minute of it. Well, does it turn you on?"
"Yes, Jess." Gary replied.
